I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
