and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
