Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
