Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
