we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This toilet bowl is my home.
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