exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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