Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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