My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
