she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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