be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
