I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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