i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
