I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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