You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
