I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize