Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
