I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
