She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize