i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
