New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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