I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
