Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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