omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
