Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
