Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
