Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
