She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
