walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
