no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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