Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
