Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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