maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
