i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
