I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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