I skipped work to stalk him.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
