I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
