Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize