i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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