Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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