i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
