So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
