i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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