Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish you could order shots online.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
