I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
