dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
