I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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