I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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