I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
