i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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