I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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