The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
