What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
