i just wanna soil my oats bro
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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