Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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