people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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