were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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