Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
