Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
