Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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