I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
