Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
