...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
