so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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