I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
