Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
