Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
