When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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