Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
