Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
