Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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