I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dick very happy bro
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize