she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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