I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
