If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
