look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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