Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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