So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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