I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
