If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize