Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
its not stalking. its research.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
