Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
