I got chris browned last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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