A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
