I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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