When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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