After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize