rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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