the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
