ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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