If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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