You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
